there are these things that tunnel the light into my eyes. like a bright spike that pierces them and sends the light colliding with my soul. this light is a conscience transcending, reason defying, meaning bereft wake up call. like rock on today. and god knows what else, and what else about it than a smoke signal. from an island hidden among the waves while im at sea.
the epidemic is widespread, like elliot's yellow london fog, licking its tongue into street corners and curling up about the house before going to sleep. but these horrid morbid tales arejust stories narrated to pass the time, and men become dragons. god becomes the devil and each day becomes the next just as easily as truth becomes marmalade and my beautiful lovely jelly quivering on a spoon.
but the light from the sos fires seem like so many wigwams that have left a fire burning for a weary traveller at the end of day. im not the traveller not(yet). im waiting for travellers to return, and waiting all the same to travel with them that are waiting to travel.

my spleen is halving me.my heart will make me full.but the battle for me will be in my guts, i fear, and not in my chest.

standing in the sun, from my terrace i could see the dark clouds looming and while yet it was silvery in the distant sky, two doves flying away from me and into the clouds, like two eyes roving the skies looking for the secret of heavens in a cascade of water. what poetics beset my thoughts in the morning, but not exactly thoughts — thats just a presumption. what it is, is an excuse for illusion.

Gadhiara?

When before to leave all look for me.
But seeing how im not there their enquiries wouldn’t find me
Because ive lost myself here and to take me home will
Not be to find me

Polly’s lesbian rant no. 1
Polly: yaaaak that tastes awful, and all that the boys could do on hearing this was wondering aloud ' what the bone to the dog'.
lame thought polly and uncouth.

what appeared like a day labourer sitting at the window of a cargo van kept looking at me and then said something to his two colleagues without completely removing his eyes from me. there was an odd smile on his face and this same disconcerting smile was replicated on the faces of his mates after he had passed his comment. they all looked at me, and then drove off. i was leaning on the kerb railing smoking a cigarette and drinking a cola. i dont know if its relevant but i was wearing a black t shirt and dark denim pants. and although it really didnt go with the attire, brown shoes. i was wondering what it could be; but then they went away and i finished my smoke and the drink and left too. turning into p street where office is i saw a few kids, toddlers by standard reckoning but being of the streets they are old beyond their years for sure. here in bengal they go to tarapith with this cane strip on either end of which hang urns filled with water. bhole baba paar karega. i always wonder whether the practice is peculiar to the coast because the chant is from the cow belt. be that as it may, the children, two of them had this bamboo strip on their shoulders and on either end they had hung marigold bunches and with their mates in tow unmindful of the heat or of the sun they were chanting bhole baba... but not too loudly. i was distracted by them hurrying as i was on to work. i too am a child inside only that ive forgotten, but that is not relevant.

while coming here i was thinking how i struggle with words.things make sense only vaguely and i want to paint these vague impressions into a dictionary, they must mean something, appear lively and articulate, like a belly dancer, or a motorcycle, or a travelling salesman pleading his wares; to myself at least if to nobody else. and on a different note, to add to it, im going deaf i think. i cant seem to follow without things being repeated for my edification. and people are kindness, and im sometimes the shylock of charity. these contradictions are not really so. they are like tracks at a junction. they overlap with the car moving. so i chug along too as if pulled by this great force that draws me effortlessly. i am far away from the machine, but it has a gravitational field i cannot escape. i think it roars and growls and crashes and hammers, but as it turns out, she mumbles.