yesterday was momentous.a lot happened that surprised me,strenghtened my faith and showed me the seat of god/
preeti one of the few spartan women i know,got engaged.she was looking very beautiful.i havent seen beauty like that in a long time.the other spartan women are from the same family.i got drunk with her delight.very
when people marry/its no longer about tom and harry/nor is it about that unnamed prurience/those things now/will be spoken of in past tense/lets celebrate now/though/as vicarious joys/those marbles and ponies/of girls and boys
then in the afternoon i got a peep.bambi da and bala showed me where god lives.newton and einstein/theory of relativity and the laws of motion.i never thought i'll ever regret my loathing for exactitude,a discipline in imagination.but man the earth we live on and the nature we live within is the most beauteous whole.no energy lost.things she does is all for all of us and we still want to capture the radiance of a thousand suns in a desert.destroyer of the worlds you are not,and nor are you a child gathering posies for the baptism of its pet ant.maaafaaakaaaa
i have decided im going to try and understand and respect.my atheism or casual faith are both supercilious and stupid.
but i have objections and they were confirmed.einstein was looking for that one theory of all theories that would explain everything.he didnt succeed,the rest didnt either and we are made to read the pretzel chronicles of neurotic bakers.in the sense we learn of answering faith with science.bambi da said there is a lot we do now that nature didnt want us to.she did all that for us not as ego but as nurture/sounds platitudinous.but seems true to me
so we are looking for the first cause,we have been able to explain all away,the mystery of this sphinx,but the secret of fire still escapes us]
st augustine---god is the first cause
baruch spinoza----is one sole and infinite substance of which extension and thought are attributes and individual beings are changing forms
bless this evanescence with humility
i love you 9.8m/sec sq.

it was a naked afternoon
when i slept
with a narrow slit in my eyes
she saw me to wonder
such a narrow passage for your dreams
i did not wake when she was here
she left a note by my pillow
thats how i know she was here
i had kept my eyes closed
and walked to another emerald isle
maybe she could come with me
but i called her a cab
she measures distances by hand
while i dream of four minute miles
i revel in myself
of walking on water
and healing by touch
of feeding the starved with mandrake plants
as a mystic with a cubist church
she paints with her feet
and feeds pigeons in a graveyard
she sleeps in the open on cold nights
and feels the warmth of distant stars
how does faith love a heresiarch
with the narrow slit in my eyes
ive seen her dancing on the bridge of sighs

stuck as a feather to the window grille
you helpless traveler on a windless tropic
a white cloud alone in an endless sky
separated from the flock at a time of play

laugh and laugh ancient mariner
desolation is not of this earth alone

you will become a ghost so it transpires
is there a one you wanted to know
when youd read of love but felt much more

who speaks to you of brazen fiends
who tells you theres no gold on mars
you think your love will become
a bloody white rag in a time of war

now where you neatly keep your folded clothes
an eyeless moth lives beneath the heap
when you undress it catches a smell
of that body which from a touch you keep

but you don’t want to suffer a glance
you prick out its eyes with an iron pin
the blind moth now wonders hard/what it is it hasn’t seen

you should wear gladioli in your hair
and grip the sword with both hands
if caesar wants you to fight to be free
say with pride/say ‘death to me’

of course youll have sand in your hands
youve traveled thirsty youve been to the sea
at your feet pebbles/but you only stood on the shore

i’ll stand explained
with retrospective clarity
captured in a thesis
and an anti-thesis
between being and becoming
lost in a labyrinth
without a thread
i write as paean
all to myself
the maze im lost in
theres been noone here but me

sent to replenish rations which mashi's awol finds depleted
early morning life in jodhpur bazar.milk--check,loaf of bread--check,offering to the lord--check
outside the bazar saw a signal to abandon.ya a scooter.but thats not important.it was a lime green scooter,standing in daylight with the frank candour of a faaking heretic
the security alert code of the day is,yes lime green
the terrorizers can write almanacs/the boys sip molotov cocktails and sleep with the fishes
lord give us our daily spade,we dig six feet
the time comes but it comes when we must meet
the propaganda declaims but does not tell
will we get to meet if its hell
i offer you this marasmus
a chocolate wrapper washed in rain
will you lower your eyes/or blink even once
when you learn my faith was bare
believe me my anger is also only a prayer

i walk through this city
with a presentiment of accident
glossed over in florid detail
by sombre scribes sculpting with cement

but here and again
it is a specious argument
over the length of rope
when upon the edge of fields fetid excrement
and other putrid human insolences
their cleanliness contests the price of soap

its blanket doesnt cover the feet of my city
the crows in a murder exclaim oh what a pity

sic semper tyrannis

i love better now
ive learnt to hurt
bluebirds like my love
are set free
on a landless earth

i can tear my flesh
with my nails or yours
ive conquered another
tied her to my feet
i drink her blood

i keep falling
into a still sea
there is a tyranny of love
if once i escape it
it can never catch me