one way or the other

As if it wasn’t enough
That I should have left
No more than a scratch
And been happy that
After all I had nothing
To do with the marks that
give away your age
Or for that matter
With your ageing
The convenient scheme
To leave you with
no more of me than
I can carry away
and take no more from you
than I was leaving behind

since I am not sure ive looked
under your skin the idea was
to pretend there wasn’t any
pressing need for a parting gift

for when it ends there is
only a victim and a villain
on the run so incriminating
will be any gifts from me
to you or from you to me

I turn to my diary
To at least put down in words
What the time with you
Has meant to me
But have mercy on me
What love is this
That you won’t beg
That I change my mind
And even in thoughts
Not talk of leaving

What was all that
being romantic
any time of day
of your choosing
suddenly pulling down
a canopy of clouds
and wooing me to
join you outside
or at night like magic
clearing the streets
whipping the breeze and
flirting with me for my sleep

however
theres nothing you’ve taken
that I haven’t wanted to give
yet there comes a day
when I will have to
empty my pockets
on the table and ask you
to do the same and any
buttons of mine I find in
the loose change I shall
have to keep for myself
and some coins maybe
for the tickets

gone are the days shirtless
I could roam the streets
And know that in those moments
even youve loved me truly
Although I know
it was all promiscuity
because I have seen your
ruins of romances past
and know that all youve done
is taken a chance with me
and couldn’t care if I returned
your love or never made to go

if I kicked you or
called you a whore
as many might
have done before

you struggle with your unending life
and only worry what if one day
there are no more lovers left

you will be found many
many times more


this is a premature farewell note to calcutta. the city of my father. but not my forefathers. she is therefore not a mother of any sort but for the two of us a lover. she was young enough when my father first arrived here and the mua remains quite impudent today as i think about my depth of feeling for it. it isn't easy as i discovered. because i cannot help but think that there will be a time when i will be gone but the city will still be here. still someones darling. but i think it is time i was on my way away from this city. a life lived for the love of one whose love i can be never sure i have is a future that doesn't appeal to me. really to claim that she is mine only mine is foolish no, but what other love do i know; to say that her love has set me free will be less controversial. but it is true. how presumptuous would it be for me to say calcutta is my mehbooba. like so many before let me just also agree that im smitten. and i will have to leave. because for myself it can never be said for certain that this is where i was to come ashore, that my destiny is here. all i know is that i will have the city to my left as i swim to the sea.