a street cur named desire

the first time hyderabad really made me laugh was over aloo parathaas at the rajasthani's. the drum major and stringsense told me about how they had seen the locals chase away dogs. even when the mongrel is a docile one they will raise their fist as if to hit and bring it down with a loud ho! roared out as if it really was some lion and not a common canine. now i havent seen this method at work but me mates promised me that that was exactly how they chased away dogs in hyderabad. believing that the story cannot be too offensive to anyone i thought it fair to see the humour in it and join in the joke. for it can be easily ignored, but at the time i found the demonstration hilarious and we couldn't stop laughing. because it is better to laugh at stupid things than try to be funny in my opinion. unfortunate things have been said when all that was intended was to bring a smile to the lips. we might well believe in the absolute beatitude in being the one that makes everybody crack up but that enterprise is fraught with pitfalls. like waiting for the vendor at work to hand us our free coffee i couldnt help remark to a city reporter i can scarcely claim to know very well as he jostled out space for himself at the counter that in this country we line up for things meaning we stand in a line at counter meaning that it is about as funny as einstein was dumb in brief we indians are only ever standing lining up for things but what is empathy in such terms to one i learnt was fresh off the boat from middleeast. not that it took me hours for that faux pas to register because the girl that accompanies this kid of ours gave an absolute look of horror no sooner than these words had escaped my mouth meaning she completely saw how fucked up that statement was. i got my coffee before him. not that i have been a runaway success in personal magnetism that this episode should make me remember it with alarm. most of the security at work is from my home state which makes me pally with them and to have security play ball is something that can never harm and so i am always the agreeable person with the men in uniform which is an unproven strategy of trying to stay out of real adult trouble, at least one of them. i generally exchange a word in the lingo with my people and we get along fine. there has to be this one mister i offended during initial exchanges or maybe he is plain autistic but this puny guard looks straight through me when i say hi. sometimes he does me a favour and finds somewhere else to look as i pass him. other times he is quite trapped. like he is always trapped when he is posted at the main gate. there his post means that he is right there as i enter office. those are the days of the numb look. but he is trying. one day the moment he observed me crossing the road, he started doing a march up and down the gate. kid you not but a proper military march in all seriousness. maybe he does not hate me so much as he hates his job. i agree that any kind of loathing takes away acknowledgement. that is, we never acknowledge that which we loathe although here the substance of our loathing might be like hammer for stone, shaping us in every possible way. that is also the case with love but there there is the sense that one is in control when one is really enjoying it. but loathing, we do not even talk about and it carries on its chipping. although i have never been able to figure out what was so loathsome in vegas. it did look like a shocking affair what with all the drugs making me feel like the both of them would explode but there was nothing loathsome there if it wasnt the going over the top and excessiveness although they did leave a christian virgin in the lurch. i imagine what was loathsome was what they glossed over in the movie with the drug odyssey. loathing might be the reason why these fuckers were doing what they were doing in the first place. sanity or being and staying sane can be loathsome at times, more loathsome is trying to drink it down or smoke it away among other ways of dealing with it. i have for as long as i can remember studiously avoided finding an escape in them items but i have definitely looked for a ticket whenever i have hit it. if one is getting high because of sadness and the other is getting exuberant for it then it seems to me that neither mood is in its nature. but what is all in the mind, how long does it stay there and how long does it stay the same way.